‘I am a Citizen of the World, and my Nationality is Goodwill’ Socrates
My name is Aderonke…try pronouncing that…A-DE-RON-KE. ‘A’ as in Apple, ‘De’ as in Day, ‘Ron’ as Ronnie and ‘Ke’ as in Ken without the ‘n’…. Hahaha…what a mouthful! Aderonke! Meaning ‘Pampered by the crown’, ‘pampered by the King’! This is the middle name my parents gave me at birth.
So a little story about me. I was born in Birmingham, UK to Nigerian parents. I lived in England during my formative years, mostly Elementary school, and was fostered to a white family for a few years. An interesting experience! While I was enjoying the loveliness of life in good old England, my parents decided it was time to ‘ship’ my sibling and I back to Nigeria. We all left for Nigeria on what I call a cruise — a beautiful long journey by a cruise ship. A pleasant and memorable experience. That is, until I found myself in Nigeria, which is a story for another write-up. Years later, I moved back to live in the UK, met my life partner who turned out to have a similar background as mine, and we started a family. Just over 14 years ago, I moved to America with my family via an opportunity with corporate America, to start a new life, and proudly became an American citizen. Basically, I have ties to three nationalities, British, Nigerian, American. Isn’t that fantastic? Or not?
I should be over the moon that I can lay claim to three continents…hurray! But I find myself belonging everywhere but nowhere; feeling surrounded but alone; feeling like a redwood tree with no firm roots. Just a feeling of nothingness at times. Having no firm roots anywhere but claiming to be from everywhere.
I get asked the question more than often: ‘Where are you from?’. This question throws me all the time! They are not explicitly asking for my nationality, heritage, or race. Nor do they need a long story. They are simply asking, ‘where are you from’? In my little head, I am thinking. Are they asking about my heritage, my nationality, my origins or where I live? Hmm….
A regular everyday American will confidently and simply respond with a one-word answer, ‘Smithtown’, ‘Roslyn’, ‘Islip’, but for people like me, it becomes tricky. Do I say I am from Long Island, which has been my home for the past 15 years? Do I say I am from the UK, where I was born and which I consider home as I spent most of my growing up years out there? Or do I say Nigerian, which is more plausible but is also my weakest link? What do I say? Anglo-American? That will be a nationality response I guess but even so, I am black. A black Anglo American? Laughing at the thought! That’s a good one though. It will make a good conversation starter.
When I speak, people think I am from Guyana or Trinidad due to my mixed Nigerian and British accent sprinkled with an assortment of American talk. I tend to correct them saying I am Nigerian but then again, I don’t live in Nigeria or have such a connection. I feel sad for people like myself who do not have a solid foothold in any country. I belong to everywhere but nowhere. I envy some of my American friends whose families have lived in the same town for generations or have generational ownership to a piece of land or property. They have a strong foothold.
I am sure there are thousands of others like me that get thrown or sometimes are irritated, when asked the question. I have a friend who is American but born to a white American dad and South Korean mom. She has absolutely no ties to Korea except for her mom who made America her sole home many years ago. On one of our social outings, we got into a conversation with a seemingly well-mannered guy. All was going super well until he asked the dreaded question, ‘where are you from’? In complete innocence, my friend responded, ‘Queens’. He didn’t stop there. He asked, ‘Queens, where’? To which she replied, ‘Queens, NY’, and with a smile, added ‘just 30 mins drive from here’. He still didn’t stop. He retorted, ‘Oh, I don’t mean where you live, I mean where you are really from? China? Vietnam? Japan? I know you like to say you are from Queens, and believe me I always like to say I am from Scarsdale but I only went to school there …..so where are you really from’? My girlfriend calmly responded, ‘I am from Queens, New York’!
It’s a tough call for immigrants, especially immigrants who have an accent like me. For instance, I met a 50-something-year old lady on a recent trip to Madrid, Spain. We hung together for a couple of days. She had a strong Irish accent. When people asked where she was from, she went into a monologue of how she has been living in New York for 27 years, but she originally is from Dublin. However, she considers New York her home…. I kind of felt sorry for her as she had to say this repeatedly, especially to groups of Americans we met along the way. Poor woman! She was so much an American in body, soul and spirit but there was no way she could totally and proudly say she is American. She always got taken back to her origins.
I have come to realize that my response can be different depending on who I am speaking with and where. If I start a chat with someone I run into at my local library and we are discussing the insurmountable number of road works going on, and I am asked where I am from? I wouldn’t say Nigeria or the UK, I would proudly Medford (Long Island). If I am on a foreign trip and I get asked this same question, I would say American. If I am in a diversity conference and the question comes up, I would say, Nigerian. However, if I am interviewing for a much desired job and I surprisingly get asked this question by some smart interviewer who has not read the HR rule book, then I see myself doing exactly what my Irish-American friend did….going into this long tale of where I was born, and how I get to claim I am American. How absurd!
I have been searching for the one-word term to describe myself which will sort of throw the other person off balance and spike their curiosity. I have heard of multi-ethnic or bi-national, in my case tri-national. I also coined the term, BriNiAm, British-Nigerian-American, although it may sound nonsensical to most.
All said and done, I choose to be Planet-neutral. I choose to be world-friendly, a hybrid of different nations bundled into one beautiful body. A global ambassador of the multicultural human. I am still searching for the most apt terminology, so open to suggestions. Until, I find the right terminology to describe my planet neutrality posture, whenever I get the same old question of ‘where are you from’? With a big whimsical smile on my face, I will confidently respond, I am from Medford, New York. And where are you from?
Trish Odusami is an executive coach and transformational leader specializing in guiding career women in becoming highly successful in their careers; becoming visible leaders, and achieving their full potential. With a background in technology project management and relationship management she’s delivered multimillion dollar projects for Fortune 500 companies and now also leverages her experience to mentor project and program managers today.
EduTimes Africa, a product of Education Times Africa, is a magazine publication that aims to lend its support to close the yawning gap in Africa's educational development.
So nice to read your piece. I can assure you that you’re not alone in this multi-cultural and multinational “war”. Aside your good self, I have a few friends who are in exactly the same situation you have found yourself. Very interesting, indeed, some have Canadian-Nigerian-American (Canadian by birth, Nigerian by parentage and American by marriage, naturalization) and these combinations go on and on. Having the citizenship of 3 continents already makes you a citizen of the world 😂 and deserve, and rightly so too, a sit in one of the offices of the United Nations Organization…Lol
Haha😂 The UN idea sounds appealing. Thanks for your comment. Indeed, very true.
Thank you for penning this beautiful and thought-provoking piece. Being able to give a single answer when asked about one’s nationality is a privilege I haven’t realised until now. I also believe that others with only one nationality also find your reality intriguing and even enviable. You have a rich heritage.
I was fortunate to have been raised in Nigeria until my teens, even though I was born in Scotland, where my parents lived before we moved back- on a cruise ship, no less😅
When I returned to the UK at 17, I genuinely thought I was here to study and return home. So I never quite felt British enough- but I have lived here for more than 30 years, so I, too, have a dissonance going on within. I call myself British Nigerian. And my nationality changes based on who I’m speaking to 😅
I look forward to reading more from you.
Wow! Your response is very insightful dear Toks. Thanks for sharing your journey and experience. I believe we all journeyed back home to nigeria on the same Aureole ship😄 Nice memories. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/MV_Aureol
Just like you, my response these days depend. Although I tend to mention all three which results in yet more questions. It will always be a challenge. As my friend jokingly commented above, we deserve seats at the United Nations.
Thanks again.
Dear Ronke,
I enjoyed reading the very graphic tale of your dilemma as a ‘citizen of the world’.Your ordeal also calls to question the knowledge gap as it relates to diversity & inclusivity,globally.
The problem is not really with the question but with the apparent lack of understanding that we’re all citizens of the world.The UN and it’s multilateral institutions need to do more in mainstreaming diversity and inclusivity as a means of bridging this knowledge gap that oftentimes lead to the question ‘Where are you from’?
You should actually be a UN Ambassador to champion this cause because of your cross cultural lineage…a rear privilege, I must say.
My advice would be for you not to keep struggling to explain yourself at all times but to affirm that you’re indeed ‘a citizen of the world’.
Nice write up that would surely elicit healthy conversations on this subject matter.
Cheers.
Thank you Sola for your great response. ‘Knowledge gap as it relates to DE&I’ so true. You’ve given me something else to ponder upon. Diversity and Inclusion. Hmm…. Thank you again for your insight. Much appreciated. We are citizens of the world indeed.
Congratulations Ronke on this lovely article! You are not alone! I also feel that I am dangling between two continents with none of them embracing me completely! When I travel to Nigeria I am asked where I’m from, and no one believes me when I say I am from Nigeria until I speak the language! When in US, as soon as I start a conversation with someone, the follow up question is where are you from? My response usually is I am a native Californian since I have lived in California for over 50 years, lol!!
Sister, this is an amazing read.
A few weeks ago will holidaying in Osaka Japan, some folk asked where I am from. I paused for a minute to think, should I say I’m Nigerian or American. America is my country and so proud serving this nation as an active duty military stationed overseas however, people would always ask, ‘where is your accent from, are you from the Caribbeans?’
Thank you for such an insightful writeup.
Very interesting article. I so relate. I was born here, moved to Uk, Nigeria, uk, back here at 16, then back and forth between uk and us. Having spent those formative years, 7-15 in Nigeria carved an identity that is unshakable. Everyone thinks I am from the “islands”.
I call myself a” global child”. I have lived in five continents and numerous countries and feel at home everywhere but not native anywhere. I am a unique child of the earth so to the question where are you from? I say nowhere specific if you are trying to pin me down. I am a global child heritage and nationality wise, but I feel the most American at heart.
“Where are you from?”, is in my experience, often a rhetorical question, seeking to break the ice rather than a functional one or indeed one with an underlying and possibly less than positive agenda! Given that starting position, my suggested approach, unless the context clearly suggests otherwise, is to respond in a way that steers the conversation in the direction that one feels most comfortable.
As we are often told, and with justification, the world is metaphorically much smaller mainly because of the relative ease of travel and communication. As a result, an increasing number of people, particularly from the more affluent “global north” will be familiar and will have had contact with people of dual or multiple race. The concept and incidence is therefore relatively normal. If we accept this, then we must also accept that “where are you from” is too much of a binary question.
Personally, I find multi-raced individuals fascinating and “holistic” in a way that mono-race people cannot by definition be! That, I hasten to add is not a judgement but an opinion!
At the risk of going into deep philosophical contemplation, the question of where one is from is inevitably set in a time context I.e. how long you’ve lived somewhere, where were you were born. etc. For those who believe we have previous lives, the “time” context takes on new meaning …. although I’m black now, I may have been “white” in my previous life and my response can literally take on a different hue …… I’ll let you contemplate that!
In the end, it shouldn’t really matter, but it will, because of the tendency of wanting to pigeonhole people as we try to grapple with the wonderfully complex beings that we are!